Why I Believe Dating is Dead in 2020
Why I believe dating is dead in 2020. No one knows how to date anymore. The use of technology is affecting the way we interact with each other.
When I was in my twenties and had a date, this is what I would do.
I would wake up early like it was Christmas and wash my car. Hand washed. None of this driving through a machine of bullshit. I would handpick the songs I wanted to play and load the CDs into my six-disc changer in the trunk. I would go workout so I felt good about myself.
And then I would drive to the movie theater to buy tickets in advance so we wouldn’t have to wait in line (this was before the internet). Dinner reservations were already made. After getting ready, I would pick her up from her apartment.
I would park my car and walk to the door and knock. I would then compliment her appearance and mean it as we walked to my car. And if there were a spark and things went well on the date, she’d get flowers or a note or something she can actually hold in the next few days.
If you’re a male in your twenties, you may read this and think, “Wow, what a loser.” Well, okay. This process is what made dating fun, exciting, romantic, and fulfilling. I had something to look forward to. It wasn’t just about the person. It was about the whole dating experience. More importantly, it gave two people a real chance because the effort was put into it.
And for the reason that a Coffee or drink, but not dinner because what if they don’t look like their picture. A date is “I’ll meet you there” or a thirty-minute Skype call. A date is a general meeting. Because a date is not dating anymore. Today, dating is dead in 2020.
I get that we meet people online now. I get that there’s false advertising. Unfortunately, yes, I’ve been catfished before and it sucks.
Instead of creating a space for romance, curiosity, build-up, foreplay, and flirting, we just want the punchline. We want to check the boxes as fast as we can. Because we have options. And no patience. We know we can swipe and find another prospect while our date is in the restroom. So dating just becomes a bunch of lottery balls bouncing in the glass box. Except the lottery balls are faces and the glass box is our phone.
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Is Dating Still dead in 2020?
Is Dating dead in 2020?
I’ll give you a step by step play on how to bring back dating.
I am going to speak to men because hopefully, men are still taking the lead these days. If not, this problem is no longer salvageable. I’m not saying women can’t take the lead. However, women generally want to be asked out, and whoever asks the person out takes the initiative, makes the plans, and sets the tone.
Even if you’re gay, I’m talking to whoever takes the lead. Only because someone has to. There is no dance. Only two people stepping on toes. And that’s why dating is dead today. No one’s fucking dancing. We’re all just swiping, crossing fingers, and pissed off the person we met on our phone two hours ago is not our soul mate.
Okay, let’s start with actually using our phones for what they were invented for. Yes, call them. Stop hiding behind your fucking phone. (Quick note. There will be a lot of F-bombs and I mean every single one of them.)
“Texting is a conversation as much as smoke signals are.”
A fucking real conversation is the first step to get to know someone. If someone is asking you out via text, text them to call you and if they won’t, they don’t deserve to go on a date with you. This isn’t junior high. Man the fuck up. Call them and exchange voices. Texting is a conversation as much as smoke signals are. Talk. Hear them. Feel their energy, vibe. Discover. Dance.
Once you have seen them, and by seeing, I don’t mean in photos, either in person or Skype or Facetime or any live video platform, ask them out.
Literally. Say “Would you like to _____________ with me.” Not, “Hey, my friends and I are going to be ______, wanna meet us?”. I understand you may want to keep it casual. Hiding behind your friends just screams insecurity. Take a fucking chance. Grow a pair.
Also, you’ve already seen the person live via webcam/phone, and technology is pretty fucking good these days so even if they’re really photogenic, they won’t be that far off. If they look like Drew Barrymore on Skype, Drew Carry won’t show up. Promise. And you’ve already talked to them on the phone so you already have a feel for their personality. If you’re not feeling it, then don’t ask them out. Stop there. That’s fair.
Now the date. Don’t treat it like it’s a fucking business meeting or something that just happened by chance. The intention isn’t to be friends or strike a business deal. You’re looking for a fucking lover, correct?
Then act like it. Plan something. Set an intention. Put your best foot forward. Because they are too and it’s your job to set the tone. You don’t have to hand wash your car or put a playlist together. But Jesus, open a door. Engage. Ask questions. Be interested and interesting. Order dessert together. Pick up the check. Put in the Effort. You get back what you put in.
Now if there’s no connection, that’s okay. That’s all just a part of dating don’t act like your time was wasted or that you were ripped off. Magic is hard to find.
And if your parents had to kiss a lot of frogs before they met so why shouldn’t you? The internet doesn’t hack that for you.
Therefore, if you think it should, you’re entitled and don’t have the tools to build a relationship so stop dating until you grow the fuck up.
The Aftermath of Dating in 2020
The Aftermath of Dating in 2020
If things didn’t work out, don’t be an asshole. Be a good fucking human, the kind that your kids would be proud of, and be respectful. Know that you got to hear a new story, as did they, and that’s a privilege. There’s no waste in connecting with a human.
And if things did work out, then make it clear that you like them.
You don’t have to write their name in the sky. But don’t fucking play games. Just communicate and be honest. I understand that’s difficult because it takes vulnerability. But if you are not transparent, you are already fucking things up. There is already something false about this and he or she will smell it and lose trust. And we both know, without trust, you are building on sand. Say what you feel. Don’t wait for the other person to go first. You’re not being mysterious. You’re being lame.
If you guys have sex, don’t pretend like you didn’t. Don’t act surprised or like the other person is crazy if they want to know where this may be going or what you want unless you both agree that the sex was just sex because It doesn’t have to be a “what are we” conversation but it can be a “what do you want” or “what are you looking for” conversation. Most likely, you guys are both looking for something that will turn into a relationship.
Here is the rule. If you and your partner have had intercourse, both of you have a right to ask what’s up Furthermore, If it was just sex for you and If you don’t want to be monogamous, then tell them. Therefore, Don’t ghost because shit comes around and someone you really like will ghost on you and you will internalize it and wonder why and if you’re defective.
Here’s the thing. You can’t want a cleaner world and toss your bag of Wendy’s out your car window. So if you want people to find love again. If you want dating to be fun again. If you believe in romance. Then stop reading about it and let’s save dating in 2020 by putting some effort into it and by being responsible. Save dating by practicing transparency and showing your true self. Save dating by actually going on real dates. Then maybe we will all have a better chance at love.
About the author
John’s path has led him to become a pioneer in the field of self-help; humanizing the therapist by showing himself, practicing transparency, and cutting through the bullshit.